Confessions 1
by goodlilvamp
Summary: Spike confesses to a stranger


Prelude-   
  
Spike stared blearily at the bartender. He raised two fingers "Hey, you guys, how about one more shot for Spikey" he gave them his most charming grin. Well, as charming as a drunk, recently neutered vamp can get. The bartender raised an eyebrow "I don't know, man. You've downed two bottles of hard whiskey, I think you've passed your limit for the next decade, buddy." Spike tried to vamp to scare the mortal, but only succeeded in making his eyes turn yellow and a couple of ridges showing. He changed back and scowled  
  
"Bugger, can't even vamp out. What kind of master vamp am I, being neutered by some chip, and whipped by some half-pint slayer?". The bartender sighed. This was going to be a long night.   
  
"You want to tell the story, buddy?" Spike smirked "You wouldn't believe me if I told you" the bartender flashed him a grin "Try me." Spikes lips turned into a devilish grin "Ok, mate. What I'm about to tell you will scare you, make you beg for your mummy" then he scowled "Or think me the most pathetic bloke to  
  
ever walked this sorry-assed earth". The bartender started to laugh. Spikes eyes flashed "Care to share, mate?"   
  
The bartender stopped laughing, but kept smiling "You act like I've been sheltered for all of my life. I've lived in Sunnydale for all my 35 years, and I know what kind of place this is. I know what creatures walk this earth. And, judging by that display you showed a couple of minutes ago, i guess you're one of those creatures, uh?" Spike widened his eyes. The bartender scoffed  
  
"Oh, don't act so surprised. I've lived here all my life, been a bartender half of it, don't you think I'd KNOW what goes one". Warily , Spike nodded "Ok, mate, you asked for it. I'm going to tell you the story of my life, William the Bloody, grand-childe and companion of Angelus, and childe/mate of Drusilla"  
  
--  
  
Part 1  
  
--   
  
Spike proceeded to tell the Bartender his life. "It all started in 1800" Spike went from when he was a boy to England, to when he got turned by Drusilla...at the age of 25. He told the bartender about his first  
  
kill, to the death of his first slayer. He told him about the power that rushed through him when he made the finally blow, the words he told her, how he played her down. His eyes shined when he recalled the day that Angelus got cursed  
  
"I loved that bloody bloke. He was my teacher, lover....and master. He broke me, taught me, created me. He used to inflict such pain on me, yet i still loved him, cause the bond we had was deeper then anything me and dru had. And, when he came back, I could sense the difference. He wasn't Angelus anymore. He was ANGEL. He wasn't my lover, my master anymore. Just some sad soul cast upon this miserable earth. But, i was also soft, because of my love for him, i didn't Kill him. I let him live. I couldn't bear staking the creature. The man that had made and taught me. " Spike choked back a sob.   
  
"No matter what he did to me, no matter what he took from me, no matter how much he hit me, broke me, hurt me...i still loved him. Don't ask me why... I just did. Even know, even as much as he put me through and what he's done, no matter how much i hate and resent him...i still love him" spike took a sip of water (the bartender replaced the whisky for that awhile back)  
  
Spike relived the thrill of killing his second slayer, his eyes shone as he silently re-in acted every blow, every swipe, every drop of blood.  
  
"It was sweeter then the first, if you can believe that. It was...just the feeling of doing it again, of reliving that wonderful feeling of Power. Of revenge , or.. pure instinct. Its just bloody marvelous, to bath in they're life force, to take the very thing that makes them tick. makes them hunt. Its just such a rush, because you bloody know you've killed the one thing that threatens your existent, the one true and ultimate enemy you have."  
  
Spike was glowing now. He had almost forgotten the sheer thrill of the hunt, the hunt of the slayer. Then, he darkened, as an unpleasant memory entered his mind.  
  
"Until I met Her."  
  
---  
  
Part 2.  
  
--  
  
The bartender finally spoke  
  
"Who's her?"   
  
Spike snorted  
  
"Her. the slayer. that blonde twit that's everywhere. Buffy. She's everywhere, haunting me, taunting me, showing me that i can never have her. You see, that's the problem with us vamps. we want what we can't have.  
  
"Sure, we drain blood to survive. But, do you know why its from humans? Well, I'll bloody tell you why. Cause its what we can't have. We can't have that life in us, that bubbly outlook on things, that...essence. We have the demon. that powerful force that thrives on blood on fear. But, we don't have what you have. Nope, not at all , mate. That's why we hunt humans.   
  
"When we drain a human, we take their essence. Their life. We take what we don't have, to make a poor substitute for that demon within us. We taunt ourselves, thinking if we have what you humans have, we'll possess the same essence you do. Its all a cover-up we can't have what we used to.  
  
"When you wake up from just being turned, you notice your EMPTY. Instead of a soul , you've got a demon. But..your just missing that one thing that made you....unique. Your just mindless.. thing, driven by a dark, bleak force.  
  
"That's why we go for innocence. Sure, fear makes the blood a bit better, but we try for innocent people. That's why i attacked Red, the slayers little pet. I could have just left her, gone for the slayer, but something drew me to her. Her innocence called me. She was so young, and utterly helpless, radiating purity from her very core. Her blood, her life called to me.   
  
"That's why I went for her. Not because i found her 'sexy' , like i said i did. No, cause that's not why we bite. Its for the innocence. I went for her cause i would never have that innocence, that purity she had. Never again would i possess the innocence of a human, for the demon tainted my blood. We can't have it, so we take it. that's the motto. We can't have innocence, so we take it from those who have it in spades.  
  
"You will hardly find a rock star or drug addict bitten. We don't find they're blood as good as that of a young, un-touched human, who doesn't know the darker side of life. Its bloody bewitching to watch these young humans go by, radiating purity, un aware of what goes on. Oh, you don't how many times I've wished i possessed that ignorance.  
  
"My lust...love...for this slayer? Simple. I don't deny my feelings, i know i lust after her. Sure, she's a cute little package, by human standards. But, to me, its something else. I can't have her. that's what makes her so irresistible. I can't have her, because her heart belongs to my GRAND SIRE. That grand poof of a vampire, Angelus, Angel, whatever the bloody hell he's calling himself these days. She loves him, always will.   
  
"I hate her. I hate her yet i want her. Its practically instinctual to hate her, driven by ancient forces long before my time, Angel uses time, even before that demon-bitches time. Every time i see her, i want her dead. Then, again, i want her touching me. Holding me. I want to drink her blood, make her mine. I want to kill her, want to turn her, want her to rot in her grave. Its confusing.  
  
"Maybe if my poof of a sire hadn't gotten to her first, i might have not been in this position. I would have hated her like a good little vamp. But, no, seeing as my sire got to her, something calls me to her, Something tells me i want her. Want her to love me. Want her to need me. Her blood calls to me, its pure, innocent, yet strong. I want her, hate her, love her, despise her, admire her, and loather her all at once. Its confusing yet it makes perfect sense." Spike stood up, and extended his hand.  
  
Part-3  
  
"my names Spike by the way. " The bartender extended his hand  
  
"Please to meet you, Spike. Will, William the Bloody. Your story is remarkable." The bartender turned his back to spike "but, you better leave now, the bars closing." Spike put his hand on the bartenders shoulder  
  
"Now, wait a bloody minute. I just spill my guts out to you, and you don't even tell me your name, mate? Not very polite."   
  
The bartender turned around. His hazel eyes sparkled, his brown hair seemed familiar.  
  
"I'm just a friend, William, just a friend"   
  
With that, he vanished into thin air. Spikes eyes couldn't close for awhile. He couldn't believe what he just witnessed.  
  
"What the.....maybe....I'm just crazy"   
  
He walked back to his crypt, feeling like a huge weight was lifted off of him.   
  
Those same hazel eyes watched him until he was out of sight. A smile could be seen in the shadows. The bartender begin to write in a leather Book.  
  
Watcher Diaries-  
  
The Slayer and her Slayerettes 95-?  
  
Confessions 1...  
  
William the bloody, a.k.a..Spike. 


End file.
